spark

that was really unexpected.
that was the first time that it happened to me.
it felt good. but it didnt made me sleep and made me think of what happened.

it was just a joke and it wasnt really meant to be true. but u did made it happen.
i was just sitting in that corner and you came by and blam! it strucked me.

i stopped from what i was doing and digest what had just happened.


:)

not in the mood to study

Your rainbow is intensely shaded green, blue, and orange.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is says about you: You are a tranquil person. You feel strong ties to nature and your mood changes with its cycles. Those around you admire your fresh outlook and vitality. Others are amazed at how you don't give up.

Find the colors of your rainbow at spacefem.com.

i know the answer.

paano magiging tama kung umpisa pa lang ay mali na. pano pa sa susunod?

ngayon alam ko na kung bakit.


frustrating.

**if only i can get out of this... i will. right now! =/

this blog is still...

... ALIVE!

i just dont get the luxury to update it. i'd rather waste it to sleep.. if that's called a waste.

ill update this blog soon.. when i can finally breathe and learn to swim in my pool of work.

for now, i can say.. i'm okay. im fine. something new. i think i gained an acquaintance but i lost a friend. it's okay, im getting used to it.

ill be back here soon... :)

oct 20 - reminisce

it is the last day of class. my sem is now officially over! :) i can now have enough(?) sleep and do whatever i want. yehey! free at last!

i had my last exam today for econ 121. for 3 years that i've been in econ, it was the first time that i took a final exam that is not required. i thought the test would be very hard since it will cover 20 chapters but guess what?! it was 15 mins of heaven. hahahaha! plus i got to see **** before the sem ends because he took the finals as well :) lucky me!

hmm.. wouldnt it be wierd if someone you've just met will ask you to have a picture together??
-- just a thought.

later today, i decided to walk around the acad oval, then i remembered some things that shouldnt be remembered. it is batter that way. another flashback came to me, it was an event that im thankful of. that was a night event 3 years ago. all smiles. :)

i missed blogging. this site was empty for more than a month.. ill start my kwento here. :)

Oct 19 - "go go go! makakajackpot k rin!"

...sana nga!

kasi naman pakiramdam ko sobrang nahihirapan ako and parang wala naman nangyayaring matino sa akin. pinipilit kong mag-aral for 121 finals, but i just felt that i wasnt doing enough.

tito brian and tita aileen, the newly weds, came to visit us and greet mom belated. ang dami nilang kwentospecially about their 1st week together then nauwi sa mga kwento ng kung sinu-sino at anu-ano. chismisan to the max oh! bonding ulit kami ni tito brian. wew watched muymuypalaboy sa you tube just to kill time. sila yung mga taong walang magawa at walang ginagawa pero sumisikat at yumayaman! swertihan lang tlga!

Oct 18- spammer spammer

i got a new role to portray now.. "Spammer" galing to kay joms (bully! haha). spammer na nga ako dahil sa dami ng text brig na kailangan kong gawin sa loob n g isang araw. sulit na sulit ang unli and if ever na nakakalakad lang ang fone ko, iniwasan na cguro ako nito. pagkagising pa lang nagttext na ako hanggang sa pagtulog tutunog pa ung fone ko. kung productive na maiituring ang texting, napaka productive kong tao today..

Oct 17- trade off

it's mama's birthday! happy birthday! :)

my brother did the poster


the 121 grades were out today. i'm exempted but i decided to take the finals. i've concentrated too much on econ 131 and i almost forgot that i also have a 121 class plus the fact that every time an exam will be scheduled for this, i also have another 2 exam the day before and a 131 exam the same day or maybe a BA141 case presentation. oh well!

later this day, i bumped into my former up touch rugby team mate. "former" because i've quit on the team because acads was too demanding and i have obem but honestly, i really miss touch rugby. i miss playing. i miss the game. she told me that i shoudnt have left the team and spend my sembreak with them in singapore. ok again... SINGAPORE! i have passed my second year second sem subjects and i am the new director for finance in obem and i missed a number of tournaments and i will be missing a big one in Singapore. haay..

Oct 16- "deleberi"

nakakagulat si kuya delivery boy nung kumatok siya sa pinto. hindi ako dapat magulat kasi alam ko naman na may delivery akong inaantay pero nagulat ako kasi hindi ko alam kung kelan ba darating.

nag-bum lang ako today sa bahay, past 1 na wala pa akong ginagawa. nasa harap lang ako ng pc.. then biglang nagtext c jeme. asking kung pwede ba ako ng 4 pm.. nagulat naman ako eh kc nawala sa utak ko na magkikita nga pla kami if ever na pwede xa. at ayan na. mejo nagpanic na ako kasi 2pm na un eh.. hehe.

at last nagkita na ulit kami! bread talk + dq! at mahabahabang kwentuhan! window shopping again. may isa lang kaming hindi nagawa! umuwi ng sabay! pero okay lang madami pang next time. sobrang namiss ko nga c jeme! :)



Oct 13-14- two days of riding the roller coaster

monday is when the exemption for math 2 was released. thank God! but i still got a long way to go.

it was also our final exam for econ 131, we met Chito, the checker, our saving grace! haha.. but the exam was really exhausting. no exemption for us this time.

and tuesday was the exam for BA 101 under sir zarco. i slept from 9pm to past 12, then i studied all the way upto 3am.. and then i cant sleep.. oh no! i should sleep. i must sleep! but i failed. i went to the exam zombified. but inspired again. hahaha!

Oct 12 - babay

it's lola's 78th birthday today! happy birthday po! (as if she will be able to read this eh noh?!)

i left a friend today. kung titingnan para akong nang-iwan sa ere. but i think he deserve it. after today, no more bestfriend for you. no more savior. no more me. no more him. promise!

today is officially my first working day as an internals committee member. honestly, nataranta ako. nagstart nung nagtext c faye welcoming the fin mems and congratulating me as their director. tpos ayan na c lourd with her super long message of the committee assignment. then came some things to do. out of the 3 things to do, 2 has something to do with me. waah! nagpapanic n ako.. hindi ako prepared. wala nga ako load eh. but everything went well naman. i was texting the whole night ata. haha. it was fun! :)

Oct 7-8 the last two days

i had two exams for tuesday..math 2 and art stud 2 plus a surprise good morning quiz from sir zarco! whew! the execomm called for a special genmeet.. where they gave away free oheya, tempura and cupcakes to the members!

wednesday was the official last day of classes. i had an exam in econ 121.. and i've seen **** again. ayee... inspired!



Oct 4- bowl and dine

...with the fin hot mems in east wood.

it was a well deserved bonding after all the hard and stressful work.

it's me. my first time. haha.

faye.ej.chi.jay.nikko.zel.joms.

dine at serye

fin=fun <3

Oct 3- a super long day

today's the release of breakeven's last issue for first sem. and i think it was a good one now. today is also election day in OBEM. nervous. afraid. hoping...

the night was for Obem's execellence awards led by the acads committee. it was fun filled. full of awards and the winners for the elections was announced! yee...

internals committee for 2nd sem 08-09
malour.nice.zel.joyce.jules.irene. jay(missing)

:)

i also got my first ever OBEM award! thank you! yes it's my very first!

Oct 2 - judgement day

today was our convocation to be an internals committee member. yay! it was a very long day too. i have a reporting for art stud 2 and i have to start the printing for breakeven. and at 4pm was the convoc. it lasted up to 7pm.. answering the questions of obemers and proving them you are sincere and you deserve the spot.

sept 29- where it all started

a year ago, we were there.. i met you there. everything started there. but now, it was nothing. it shouldnt be remembered anyway.

sept 24 - vantage point

to much to say.. it's a success. one thing i've learned. it's enough to say that an event was a success not because of the profits but because of the members's smile and satisfaction.





a great sem indeed.
another sem ends.. and another will start. but it's still early.. rest muna! hahaha! :)

dreams and nightmares

a dream: nasa elevated akong lugar na konting maling tapak ay maari kang mahulog pero hindi naman ito masyadong mataas. kaya parang ang iniisip ko okay lang ang mahulog. hindi ka naman mamatay. tapos pagkakita ko sa paanan ko, nakalambitin dun ang isang taong importante sa akin, at kitang kita ko na antatakot syang mahulog at halos umiiyak na siya..kaya ginawa ko lahat para iangat sya dun, pero ang sabi ko bakit parang nagpapabigat siya?? at nung halos kalahati na ng katawan nya ung nakaangat...... bigla syang bumitaw.

minsan lang ako makaalala ng panaginip, hindi ko pa maintindihan.

lately, i've realized that i am in a nightmare. i've been doing things that are not in favor of my hapiness. i think im hurting my self..

when it rains...

...it Fours.and fours hard.

sabi nila ang blessing daw kapag dumating sunod-sunod. at meron ding version na ang kamalasan daw kapag dumating sunod-sunod din! i can say it's true. well, it happened to me last friday, september 12, which is technically september 11 sa US. i dont know if it was just the date or it's just that it is not my day or one of my not-so-lucky day. i dont know. all i know is that IT SUCKS! CRAP!

i just discovered that it was someone's "happy" day and not mine of course! it hurts to know that. so i slept with bitterness. and then i woke up with a very pleasant text message "i'm sorry but we will cancel..." good morning. and because of this, someone started to panic and called for an emergency meeting with those in the position and explain ourselves. so i end up crying, thinking what went wrong, or is it my fault or what are the things that i should've done but i did not. tulala. then came an econ subject, with the release of the exam that was very hard.. and the result. sigh. then came the nerve wracking meeting. eto lang: nakakatakot sila. and lourd talked to me that made the tears fall hard. jeme wasnt able to go see me. sayang. i need my laptop. oh sh*t! power search? i dont know. one thing for sure. it doesnt want to open. all my files are in there. it's half of my life. tulala again. the only thing i got normally functioning was my cell phone. and at the middle of an important conversation with a tie up, low batt. i transferred the sim to another phone. low batt din. may lovers din na nag-aaway nung araw n un. muntik madapa c joms dahil sa akin, muntik din c topher. hinatid na lang ako ni io pauwi. buti wala nang nangyri.

hindi naman ako naligo ng malas sa araw na yon noh?! ewan ko ba.. ayokong sisihin ang petsang yun. ayoko na lang din idikit sa mga pangyayari ng nakaraan. pero ano ang dahilan ng lahat ng nangyari sa araw na iyon? trials Niya. pero bakit naman po ganun kalupit sa loob pa ng isang araw? madami pa namang araw ah?! hahahahahaha! pilosopo lang po.. senxa na.

::nasa pag-iisip ng tao. kung ano man ang iniisip natin ay siyang maaaring mangyari. dahil inisip natin, ginusto natin iyon..

flight

...fly!

obem <3
(thanks to ate dar for the pic)

i attended the leadership training seminar yesterday that was facilitated by ACT, a group of friends that conduct leadership seminar for free to some schools. i have been very tired and stressed for the past few days but there were no regrets in waking up early on a saturday to attend a whole day seminar. through the seminar and the activities that they prepared for us, i've picked up a lot of things about myself, my friends and my orgmates. one of the activity was named as "the flight" and it was done to point out that in a team, there are times that you have to be the leader but there also times that you have to be a follower. that being in a team, you must work in a give and take relationship for the team to fly. it is always a compromise. we always have our strengths to be used to support other people's weakness and we have our own failures and flaws wherein our teammate must stood up for us. again, everything is a compromise. i teach you, you teach me. it is also an issue of trust. you cant see, im incapacitated. listen to me and you'll be safe. trust. thanks to my partner in that activity. :)

it was also a day where i was exposed to some things that can make or more of break me. it's something that almost stop the momentum i was in. it sucks. it's damn frustrating! i just felt that i'm still not enough. and that questioned the reason why i am doing some things. it also put a period to a long been asked question. the answer: most probably no! not now. and from there, i started questioning myself again, when...? why...? can i do it now? what will i do? how...?i know that my decision will disappoint someone but i have my reasons... and everything will be in His time. maybe there's someone more deserving than i am...that's why.

bakit natatakot lumipad ang sisiw? bakit mahirap para sa kanyang lumipad sa unang pagkakataon kahit na alam niyang may pakpak at makakalipad siya? marahil, ito ay dahil sa oras na lumipad siya maari na siyang mahulog, masaktan at hindi na makabangon pa...

snap

warfreak..

actually, hindi ko talaga alam ang nangyayari. hindi ko nga mainitindihan bakit ganito eh. hindi ko sinasadya. ngayon lang talaga ulit nangyari to... na may kaaway ako. or may taong galit sa akin.

kahapon lang, nagalit ako. hindi. mali. nainis lang ako. at siguro hindi ko nakontrol at lumabas lang siya nang hindi sinasadya. at naging dahilan yun para matakot ang isang tao sa akin at lumayo. hindi ako nagalit sa dahilang wala pa siyang nagagawa, nainis ako dahil sa salitang "ewan" mukhang mababaw pero subukan niyong suotin ang tsinelas ko, magiging malinaw ang punto ko. simpleng bagay. wag mo akong bigyan nang napakapilosopong sagot. lumipas na ang inis kahit hindi mo pa man ako bigyan nang dapat. nakonsensya din ako sa kinilos ko makalipas ang 10 minuto nang pagkainis. tinanong ko ang sarili ko kung may karapatan ba akong mainis at kung may punto ba ako sa ginawa ko.

kanina lang, may nagalit sa akin. may nabitawan akong hindi ko dapat nabitawan. maraming nasaktan. alam ko. hindi ako manhid. at may paki-alam ako. at may mga nakakaalam, hindi ako bulag. alam ko MALI ako. pero hindi ko sinasadya yun. humingi ako ng pasensya. may nakaintindi at nagpatawad. salamat. may hinihingan pa rin ako ng tawad. sana mainitindihan. dahil sa isang pagkakamali, may lamat na. pero susubukan kong ayusin at ibalik. cguro nga nakakagulat din dahil sa akin pa nanggaling yun. hindi magandang biro.

hindi ko alam kung bakit nangyayari eto. baka dala na din ng pagod. pero hindi pa rin yun katanggap-tanggap na dahilan para maging mali. masyado na din cguro akong nagiging prangka at komportable na palagay na ako na matatanggap nila kahit anong sabihin ko or kahit anong ipakita ko na madalas may eksplanasyon ako sa mga bagay na sasabihin ko at gagawin ko. at may mga panahon na walang laman ang bawat salitang sabihin ko. (ang hirap mag pure tagalog) people are used to seeing the good side of me. well, nobody is perfect. i have my flaws. isang reason din siguro kung bakit ginawa akong tahimik ni God para hindi na lang din ako makasakit. i think it's now better for me to get back to my box than lose what i have.

sshhhhhhhh...fix me.

case-ing

yeah right! im here at school with my lovable casemates...
sabs, nice, jason, mau, via, topher

what are we talking about? hmmm...

kc conception..

impossible...

after tax yield...

interest rates...

toni gonzaga...

being 5 times fatter when one's seen in the tube

magic 89.9....

pre-tax yield...

KC... montero! cmon!

haiii.. we're sabaw!

i'll blog about tito brian's wedding for my decent post next time! :)

.....

the problem with being strong is...



nobody bothers to ask if you're hurt.





sooooo true! :p

half way..

..there.

half way my hell week. half way to the end of this hell semester. half way fixing a life.

thank God that i'm halfway to the end of this one hell of a sem... buti na lang umabot pa ako sa kalahati. and i think.. it's so far so good.. not until the results of all my exams slap on my face. (wag naman sana) kalahati pa lang exhausted na ako.. the past few days nga feeling ko zombie na lang ako, binubuhay ng coffee at chocolates.. and lagi na lang akong may sakit. pati ata pagiging late ay naging sakit ko din for the week that was. kaya sana gumaling na ako sa sakit na yan...nakamamatay!

half way the past week nasabi ko lang bigla: "ang hirap maging tao at ang hirap magpanggap bilang isang masipag at matalinong tao!" hahahaha! oo nasabi ko talaga yan dahil sobrang frustrated at stressed na ako...nagbreak down din ako! at hindi ko alam kung bakit, i just felt sooo tired and feeling ko ung stress level ko ay somewhere up up up there! so ayun nag break down n lang ako..and to make my self feel better, i texted jeme. kahit isang text lang ok na! namiss ko lang :)

im just half way fixing my life but then it's mixing up again..alam kong may nagtatampo sa akin dahil sa ginagawa ko but still i MUST value my self more than any thing else so maybe.. ill put you at the end of my "to fix" list. for now, all i can do is to be an isnabera. (here comes my brat side! but i love it!)

no room for giving up
ill cross the finish line. :)

last log in...

...53 minutes ago..

there are just certain things that are better off unknown. things you wish you never asked, never saw, never heard and sometimes never even felt....

=\ :) :( :-S :'( =|

oh yes.. at last nakapag post din. wierd kasi everyday i go online but i dont really have the luxury of time to post here. well its because i have a toxic life now...

updates/kwento/points learned:

1.) two weeks na akong gumagawa ng case.. everyday ako umuuwi ng 830-9 pm for two consecutive weeks now. this is why my life is toxic. nakaka-exhaust talaga. it is stressful but honestly, im loving my ba141 because of this cases. minsan nga pakiramdam ko adik na ako eh.yaaakkk!

2.) third presenting group kami sa ba 141.. last wednesday dapat nag report na kami at nagpaterrorize sa aming prof.. pero hindi nya kami sinipot last wednesday so na move kami last friday... but for the second time around! no signs of sir Pineda! arrrggghh.. nakakawalang gana talaga! nakakainis ung feeling na kinakabahan ka para sa wala plus the fact pa na naka corporate attire kami.. hassle un! it's not fun to wake up earlier than you should be because you just have to go to school early and prepare for nothing! that's BS! :(

3.) i am tired! as in PAGOD! to the point na hindi na ako nagigising in time for my first class.. which is not so me.. oh Lord! help me with this.. it very unusual of me to be absent dahil lang sa hindi ako nagising..at sana din hindi pasaway ang fone ko :(

4.) im okay now, i guess, pero minsan dinadalaw ako ng sumpong and feel sad but that happens sometimes na lang kaya i think okay na din ako. besides hindi na din naman siya naka permanently offline sa ym ko eh and we now talk the normal way..so maybe im okay now.two facts remains unchanged... miss ko na siya at magaling talaga siya sa timing.he knows when i need him.

5.) having a boyfriend/girlfriend is like having additional 6 units in your work load as a college student.

6.) people who are not in a relationship becomes workaholic because they dont have anyone to give their time to so they use all of their time being productive

7.) i am a workaholic. and now i am asking myself: is it better to have additional 6 units or just be a workaholic? hmmm...

8.) a body at rest remains at rest until a force acts on it. ;) -> a very important lesson learned!

9.) there are some things or people that will not always stay beside you. but can be back beside you sometimes..when you are a friend.

10.) lahat tayo ay makakahanap ng mga katapat natin. mga taong makakapagpatigil sa atin kung hindi kaya ng iba. mga taong gagawin kang tanga kahit anong talino mo pa. mga taong maiituring mong karma. kanya kanyang oras lang yan.

11.) i hate to see a strong lady drop on her knees and cry for a guy. and i then realized how i looked like when i did that pero buti na lang i did that when im alone. i totally feel for you girl, i understand. there's just one thing i dont. pero akin na lang yun to figure out.

12.) ang hina ko pala pumick up ng mga nangyayari sa paligid ko. i thought everything was okay pero hindi pala. im sorry.

13.) i am a loner at times and i do love to walk.. :)

14.) i miss high school and friends. :(

15.) im pissed! hindi ka ba naman mainitindihan ng nanay mo eh?! hindi ko naman ginusto na umuwi ng late for two weeks. at almost a month na kaming hindi in good terms.. but as promised to my dad, ill fix this given the time. :(

16.) tumatakaw na naman ako! tsk.. at nabubuhay ako dahil sa chocolate... baaaaddd!

17.) i have tendencies to oversleep! and it ruins my life! huhuhu.. baaaadddd agen! :-s

18.) loser ako dahil ang tagal ko nang hindi nakakapunta ng mall :( i miss shopping!

18.) panira talaga ng buhay ang academics! dahil kasi jan hindi matutuloy ang hongkong trip ko this august! sh*t naman oh!

19.) white corporate tops are must haves and investments for business students... another loser me! eh kasi naman.. all my corporate tops are pink!

20.) the feeling was once mutual. but it was never of equal weight. :'( unfair pa rin! haha!

buti na lang may blog to let everything out especially at times na wala kang makausap kasi busy sila sa ibang bagay or ibang tao. :(
sa makakabasa: salamat kasi para ka na ring nakinig sakin. :)

"ang bulag nga meron eh..

...ako wala!"

i just remembered this line kanina.. someone said this to me months ago, pertaining to the love life topic.

i said this line to myself while i was walking alone and then i secretly laughed. i laughed because i realized that life was really playful and funny. isnt it ironic that those who cant see the world have a happy love life and us who are completely well have none? kung sino pa ang may maayos at malinaw na mata, at nakikita ang katotohanan ay siya pang mga single sa mundo?... nakakatawa di ba? natatawa din ako dahil totoo ang statement, mabuti pa ang bulag may significant other..ako zero! yun ba ang kapalit dahil nakakakita ako?..kung oo, uhm.. cge okay na rin! isa sa fears ko ay ang mabulag dahil takot ako sa dilim... pero kung pwede kahit isang araw, mabubulag ako.. i guess, ill grab the chance..why not? at least ma-eexperience ko ang feeling...

but seriously, i think the answer to that statement is: kasi kapag bulag ang isang tao, mas malakas ang ibang senses niya kaya mas malakas ang pakiramdam nila so they wont miss out those feelings like being love and the fact pa that being blind disables you to see the imperfections of people and what really matters is what you feel. oha! oha!

dun naman sa nagsabi nito sa akin: alam ko ang sagot kung bakit ikaw wala.. hindi ka nga bulag, maliit lang ang mata mo pero nakakakita ka, pero ikaw ay isa't kalahating pipi at lima't kalahating duwag! hahaha!

at ako: isa't kalahati ding pipi at isa't kalahating t@ng@! too bad... but it's okay...

hahahaha!

kung ayaw...

..eh di wag!

madali akong kausap..and besides i got a lot more important things to do than push myself to something that will not work for me..

best friends

"Best friends"

"...are the ones who are most closest to you..but they do have some quirks compared to "friends"...they are so close to you that they don't ask permission to take something of yours...they take it...they make you laugh until you choke on your own phlegm when your sick...and then laugh about that...they are the ones you can tell your deepest darkest secrets..and they share the burden of that secret..with the gift of laughter....they can see something horrible...as an opportunity spend a great day..and enjoy that darkness..in the lightest way possible....basically...having a a best friend is like an oxymoron...they make you feel the anguishes of life as the most dreamiest things in the world...but no matter..a best friend..always has limits...and sets rules..and loves you like a sister/brother..and cares for you like a mother/father...and teaches you like a grandma/grandpa (even with little experience)..and enjoys spending time together like lovers ..."

but sometimes, i see it as a word that have a "curse" with it because i've known a lot of "best friends" breaking up or are still together but doesn't get tired of fighting..but i'm not saying that it's true for all cases.

which is why i don't label someone my "best friend" but i call the chosen few as my "true friends" and have God as my "best Friend". For years, i never heard someone to call me his/her best friend. well, i guess it's something not to be broad casted but still, being considered as one is an overwhelming feeling. it should be.

i should be. but im not...

...because it was different yesterday. we're not in that boat before. you just made things harder for me. you should have just let me run away and get another life. selfish...


nice role for me to play in your chaotic stage...

trixie

i finally met ms. patricia lopez today. my art stud2 professor. i was really shocked when i saw her. i didnt knew that she was a professor. i thought she was just a student when i see her in our parish, most of the time a sunday or on special occasions with the choir. she's very model- like and she has this tiny voice that explains why all her classes are held in that small cupboard room. she just gives me goosebumps.

she's so young to be a prof that nobody calls her maam lopez or ms. patricia lopez, she's called TRIXIE. and that rang two big bells for me. she was in havaianas, leggings and backpack! fashionista! sino ba naman mag-iisip na prof cya... :))

she checked her attendance sheet...and called names then suddenly, i heard a familiar name...tsk. umiling na lang ang ulo ko....

and the ball starts to roll (part 2)

a wednesday. i'm not used in having classes at an early wednesday morning but i woke up ahead of my alarm again.. i woke up early but i was almost late for class because of some errands. it's already 8:30 and i was still in the line of the up-katips jeep. and i am so scared to be late for the first class..

ba 141 - prof. pineda:

he's not the guy i was expecting to enter the room. i pictured a decent man in a very corporate attire or even a man in slacks and checkered polo. but an old husky brusko man was in front the class and discussing everything in taglish.. and struck the class with (in my count) six t*ng*n* and three PI early in the morning. harsh! i dont really know if will i be terrified or will i take it as a joke. i dont know if i'll hate him. but he really scares and irritates me. plus he dismissed us late...evil prof???

econ 121- prof. paderanga:

i was not star strucked...but i think he's cute.. a chinito cute prof.. :) hopefully i'll enjoy his class.

lunch break! 11:30- 3 :

i had a free lunch courtesy of faye's birthday blow out! and a serious sem planning with fincom. and after the sem plan... the long wait starts... it seems that the clock isnt running... good thing io was there to bum with me.. maybe because of this long break, i'll hate my wednesdays and fridays. too bad, i still cant fiind someone to bum with me not in the tambayan but somewhere else..

econ 131 - prof. navarro:

finally it's 3pm and hi to susan again! there was only 20 students in the class...and as usual, she said that she's gonna find a checker for the exams and the chicken pox story again! haii! ill get through you again maam! hmf!

it's fun to see my teambuilding classmates again! too bad that i cant stay for long....
it was a rainy afternoon and looooooong lines of people waiting in the terminals of jeepneys.. traffic katipunan and a crowded national bookstore...
im really tired.



it seems that the ball rolled on a rough road on its second day...i am now feeling tired and grumpy.

and the ball starts to roll (part 1)

i woke up earlier than my alarm. 06:06. excited? nah.. it's just because of the rumbling of the people outside my room. then i suddenly realized, im now a third year student. it's the first day of class but i didnt feel like going to school. i stared at the ceiling up to 6:45 thinking what will this day be..

then the ball starts to roll...

ba 101-sir timothy zarco:

i find the class ok. luckily, nice, jason and fred were my classmates. sir zarco is fun and he's
so madaldal that he dismissed us late.. hopefully not every meeting...or else i'll need to get
out of my math 2...oh noo! hahaha.

math 2 -maam joy asuncion:

there is scarcity on toki jeeps now! and it's a big problem (for zel). i was late! arrrgh! not a good one...being late in your classes for the first day!! she checks attendance at the start of the class and have tendencies on giving quizzes at the start of the class..creepy..i cant be late! sir zarco must not go over time! or math2's gonna mess up.. maam asuncion said that my face is VERY MUCH familiar..and asked if i have any relatives in UP and i said no... and when i pass by her at the end of the class, she asked me again, and said SURE KA?! hahaha! what's with my face?!

Lunch break 1130-1! :)

art stud 2 -prof Lopez:

answered prayers. she didnt show up. the classroom was so small that it looks like harry's
cupboard room in the first hp movie to me. a cute classmate. no comment.

the ball starts to roll... and so must I. I should not be left behind. it's hard but there's nothing i can do but to be back in the ball game. and play damn well.

nothing more nothing less

i just love listening to our parish priest's homily. it makes a lot of sense, of course, it MUST.

it's about judging how other people live and do with their lives. we often judge the people around us by the way they look, the way they act and their actions specially when faced in life situations but we dont really know and we dont fully understand why do these people does things the way they chose to. sila lang naman talaga ang nakakaalam kung bakit ganon sila at kung bakit yun ang ginawa nila, hindi tayo. tapos tayo pa ang may gana na manghusga sa kanila eh c Lord naman ang nagdrowing nang buhay nila.. we were just too absorbed by the way we live our lives that we want to see other people live it the way we do.. and all the while, all we need to do and all they're asking us is just to UNDERSTAND. and not JUDGE.

after that, i asked my self. do i really understand my friend's decision?

then i went back to the details and realized that i did something wrong and something is still wrong with me. i insisted something that i thought would be the right thing to do but honestly, i insisted that because i think it's in favor of me, because that's what i want and that's how i will act if placed in that situation. i pursued it because i dont want to be in a new set up, because i am happy with the old one. something is wrong with me because i said that i understand everything, but honestly, I DONT and maybe i dont want to pick up the thought.

i lied. i judged. i am too close to understand and to accept the reasons behind that silly, stupid decision.

it maybe selfish but i just want things on my side. and that's why i am still trying my best to convince my friend. but i guess it's too late for me now.



you've decided.

so please

keep your word!

or else...

waiting room...

...it's a room where hopes are up.

i'm in the waiting room for a long time but it looks like i'm giving up.


i just what to SHOUT. shout til i drop. shout til everything inside me gets out...

until nothing's left.

when you know what to do...

...then why not do it?

why wait for me? why wait for the worst?

is it really needed that one must reach the worst scenario before he would do something about it..isn't it annoying that one keeps on complaining about the life that he's got though the key to his sufferings is just in his pocket!

it is tiring to help other people patch things up in their life while you cant fix your own..and you see them that they did not even put a single effort..frustrating.

i just dont know what to do with this crap..

...bakit ba naman kasi lagi akong napapasok sa ganitong sitwayon?

Lord, am i too good that i have to carry some of other people's burden? haiiii......

it ends here.

i guess my "summer fun" ends here..my supposedly last summer trip to batangas with the team building class today was canceled for the weather forbids.. and tada! a trip wasted leaving excited students bored and hanging.

my summer ends here to be followed by a two or three bummer and dvd marathon weeks..or maybe a chance for me to save up for months of sleepless nights and stressful days coming up..

summer is officially over for me and it's the start of boredom and dull rainy days.. :(

..which results to a number of whatever lists...

must-haves and must-dos before classes starts..

• 10 or more hours of sleep everyday
• supeerrr clean my room again
• SHOPPING! SHOPPING! SHOPPING!
• a day with friends!! please...
  
• see iron man in the movie house
• visit a salon
• see a beach..though it's now rainy...
• a bonding with my team building class
• get a new battery for my laptop
• go out and drive out of town...
  
• to learn the guitar again..seriously this time..

on a more serious note..i often read and hear stories of people talking about their existence and them making the best out of their existence..so out of the blue..i just asked myself..why is it that it seems that i don't really know what to do with myself, why is it that i cant see my self in the future...

why do i exist?

• to TRAVEL
• feel
• be strong for other people's weakness
  
• save humankind from its extinction--reproduce! hahaha...
• be an angel to someone
• create friendships
• love
• add to my parents' burden
• serve the real purpose why i exist..sad but still i don't know what it is....

and now, what do i want?

• visit all the places on earth
• get a high paying job or a rich-high-earning husband (hahaha)
• have my own restaurant and be the master chef
• learn photography
• backpacking
• publish a book before i die
• be with someone
• play touch rugby again, learn tennis, gymnastics, pilates, wake boarding and surfing
• be called an athlete
• fly a kite
• become a drifter
• make my parents proud and get them up the stage to hand me my medal
• receive an extra-ordinary wedding proposal (but not necessarily get married..hahaha)
• dance in the rain with someone
• stargaze

too much for the list...this is the result of a saturday afternoon boredom inside the house.....tsk tsk..

akala nyo nagbibiro ako ah..

hahahaha!!! everybody thought that i was joking nung cnabi kong "ill bring the car today" kaya cneryoso ko talaga..dinala ko nga ung car...then when im finally in UP...i texted my mom and let her know na dala ko nga ung car...tawagan b naman daw ako sa cell phone and panic! haha..

well, nagddrive naman na talaga ako ever since i turned 18..pero i always make sure that someone who knows to drive is with me..mejo mabigat kc ung car ni dad kaya im afraid na bka mabangga ko un..kaya cguro hindi ako cneryoso ni mama and ng mga kapatid ko nung cnabi kong "ill bring the car today"..hahaha..

achievement toh..mejo na at ease na din ako to drive alone..hehe :)

naki ride pa ung team building classmates ko...my first ever passengers... yey!! :)

potpot

i was with my tito brian for the whole day today...and he let me know na naka schedule na yung wedding nila ng kanyang girlfriend for 10 years (lupet!) and picked me up sa haus to go to the designer for the gowns... honestly, i am happy but i am really sad.. xempre happy ako kasi he'll get married and finally he have enough sense of responsibility to start a family...pero nasad talaga ako kc tito brian was like my dad, big brother and friend.. super over protective din nya..and i grew up with him, ever since baby ako kasama ko na yan...tapos ngayon he's really getting married..

he's the only one now calling me "potpot" (my nickname nung bata ako) tapos knina sa car.. nung tinawag nya akong potpot sbi nya "ay dalaga ka na pla..pero ikaw a rin c potpot ko"

waah..i'm really gonna miss him when he's married na..wala nang mang-aagaw ng fone ko to check my messages...wala nang magchecheck ng bag ko to look for whatever evidence or signs of boyfriend...wla nang mang-aasar sakin ng "sungit"...pero ako pa rin ang potpot nya..

actually, hindi naman talga xa mawawala eh..pero xempre a lot of things will not be the same as before..pero ano nga ba naman magagawa ko diba but to be thankful coz he chose to have a better future...

potpot's wishing him the best in everything.. :)

pasalubong

..para akong bata na binigyan ng tatay ko ng lobo kanina..


i really didnt expect to see him today..i even thought of not really going to school..but i did. some things have never changed...he still has that funny makulit character..and he never fails to make me laugh so hard...but some things have..his hair, it's nicer.plus he told me that he got me a pasalubong from bora (but forget to bring it..useless!) eh kuripot un.. :))


...thank you for the effort and the time to see me...

;p

still

just today.. i cant look at him directly..

i ate my breakfast quietly but he still tried to share what happened to him yesterday..

i left for school quietly but he still bid bye bye..

i dont want to go home early but still he waited..

i kept quiet and pretend but still he kissed me and left...

he left again..but still i didnt grab the chance to say something..

"take care..we'll miss you"

im still weak at goodbyes.. i hate it..

different

we went to see manila ocean adventure park today..and even though i am so tired..i didnt take any minute thinking if i have to get up from bed or not..haha..the place was great..though it was not what i expected or maybe i expected more.. but i can say that it as an enjoyable experience... :)

this picture was taken inside the souvenir shop in the ocean park..it was used for the 3d picture package that the shop was offering for 400php.. there was something different with the picture..i just dont know why..i just felt something different.. we decided to get a soft copy from the photographer because the five of us wanted to have a copy of it in our own phones...hehe..

almost everything has changed..the way things run and the way we look at things inside this "family" and things will never be the same again..we tried but we always fail or sometimes when we push things harder it just gets worse..small things like this picture are is a big part of the change, i guess..i never experienced something like this when we all stayed under one roof.. and sometimes because of those changes, conflicts arise that just passes by and ends without closure.. everyone, i think, have recovered and have accepted the way things are though it was never easy, sometimes awkward and we have to be thankful even of small things like this "family portrait".. haha.

"family portrait"

--how ironic?! ;)

dark side?

elma asked me why do i maintain two blogs and had one secret from my friends..

at mejo na bother ako sa sinabi ko about me having a dark side?! feeling ko mali toh.. tpos nag react pa ung class...haha...

ako may dark side? cguro nga...

then i read some of my posts in that secret blog...tpos na realize ko na exaggerated nga ung term na nagamit ko..hindi naman dark side...it's more of my negative and sad side..mga bagay na hindi ko tlga msabi sa ilang tao..nrealize ko din na mxado nga tlga akong reserve...

got to change it i guess..

daddy got home today.

it's the first day of summer classes! and it was so hooottt!
socio 11 was okay and team building was fun! i got excited for the trips to come! yey! but im not sure who to hang out with for this pe...

daddy got home today! and we thought he will be here by saturday..

there's really nothing so important to rant about..

i just felt like sharing this.. and i was really happy to see that everything is fine..

mom and dad were okay..they were like friends hanging out and talking to each other..everyone was laughing to silly corny jokes.. and the night ended right.

i admit, i missed my dad! and i am happy that he's here for the summer! :)


a great day..i guess.

plan?

ma: ano plano mo?

ann: titigan tayo!

naman!! ako may plano?? kelan pa?
lagi naman wala..
for technically 18 years..
i never planned for anything..
the question is harder than an accounting problem!!
so do you expect me to give a sensible answer on that..
eh hindi nga nakalagay yun sa calendar ng fone ko eh!
haha..

it's just another day. :)

speechless

for days, i cant sleep well..

and i thought it was another sleepless night.. and i decided to go online at 12:27 am, sunday april 6..hoping that mom wont open my room to check on me..

xa: lord.Ü
zel: hmf!
xa: heheÜ
zel: ngulat ako!!!
zel: bt gcng k pa??
xa: wala lng, d ako inaantok ee

didnt expect that!...

and at past 1 am..i just decided to go to sleep and for the chit chat to end..

xa: ah..
zel: sleep n ko..
zel: :)
xa: nyek..
xa: ok.
zel: bkit nyek??
xa: missu..Ü nyt.ÜÜ
zel: miss u too.. :)
xa: nyt.Ü

and i signed out..

-speechless-

seethrough

there are just somethings that are better left unsaid..

may mga pagkakataon na hindi talaga natin kayang sabihin ang mga reasons why we ask for this and why we does that stupid thing..sometimes we dont need to explain the way we think and our decisions... may karapatan naman tayo na gawin yun eh..

transparency maybe is something we owe others specially the people important to us..

but does that mean that we always have to explain, to say everything, to let them know about problems and the situation??

there are really moments that we dont have to and we have keep things to our selves...and they should understand.

opaque. it is.

may be blured but lucky you that you got something to look at.

29

...just realized...

...six months na din pla..

2.75

"Lord, please.. give me a three here.. please Lord... balato mo na skin toh..please..."
-an hour before the econ 106 exam..

i was dead shaking while waiting for 2 pm..thoughts dont want to stop running on my mind..trying to remember formulas but nothing appears...trying to refresh how to do those silly equations..everything was mixed up..and it seems that the clock was running at a faster rate than usual..and more "dug dug" i feel inside.. and i feel water in my eyes.. and all i did was pray "Lord, please."

and here is susan with her usual porma carrying a buch of papers and orange card pieces.

"Lord, please"

"all those who have taken all the quizzes may have the finals optional!" -susan

"Lord, please"

"Thank You Lord"
(plus tears of joy)

it's more than what i deserve...i asked for a balato...but You gave me a present! and a big one! it may not be that high compared to others but it's more than enough. and i really am grateful and blessed!

there were reasons why things do not happen now...why somethings are gone when you need it... why things break you... God has His own time...we just have to wait for it. He doesnt put you on things that will destroy you. all the time spent studying was not wasted because on the process of studying for that exam, i have realized where i went wrong, what my short comings are and how to deal with the next things to come. for almost two months, i have been struggling with a lot of aspects in my life but little by little there are signs of light for me that get me through the end.

Miracles DO happen! :)

tama ba ang ginawa ko?

i miss ym so i signed in..without even realizing na hindi ako invi..c GOD tlga..playful! haha.

"BUZZ!" "BUZZ!"

oh crap! a big mistake!...though i thought it'll be the usual..but no.

"xa:ei hehe..musta."

sbi na eh..always make sure that you are invisible specially at your state ryt now! so the conversation goes on...lalala..

"xa: haha.. pahinga ka, so wla ka na pasok bukas?"

what? agen? ano daw ggwin ko? wat? i never heard that since last year i guess. and i thought i was fine. so it's not the right time for that..argh..

"zel: pasalamat ka. :P

xa: ang galing! haha tanx.

xa:savior tlga kita kahit saan. :-P

zel: haha..ntawa nmn ako dun!

xa:hehe.. ur my savior...! :))

zel: tgilan mo ko noh!

xa: savior!

zel: hnd k tlga ttgil? ang kulit mo tlga khit anong mngyri noh?!

xa: hehe xempre.. hehe

xa:savior,, papalitan ko na sa phone ko pangalan mo.. nakalagay.."

i never expected that..so that's what he thinks..honestly, i dont know what to feel about this..it seems to me n un na nga tlga ang role ko..nakakalungkot.. pero hnd ko tlga alam..ang gulo.

"zel: pero minsan ba naisip mo na nagalit ako sau?

xa: oo.....

zel: tlga? kelan?

xa: nung sa paper ko sa fil 25..bkit?

zel: wla nmn..

xa: bkit nga?

zel: wla nmn.......tma ka."

this started everything...ewan ko kung anong nakain ko that i had the courage to ask..but i know i got to do this..to clear things and to have a better friendship maybe? or to have a better ending?

this is just the start of that conversation..mahaba pa ito. to sum up every thing... he is sensitive enough to feel, but he's not that brave to face me and say sorry at least. maraming bagay ang nasagot and with those answered questions things may never be the same as before (i just dont know if that would be a good one)...i got my faults din..and im sorry.

realization: we're both afraid.

ryt?

"see you around.. if we will"

it was the last week..

and a lot of things happened. aside from the excruciating examinations, i know that it would the last week for us. i thought i would be sad, but in my surprise the last day of that last week was the happiest part of the week.

for that one whole week...i was put into test.

and I've made a realization.. ever since things started..God wanted me to see one thing. i don't deserve you. looking back, I've realize why those things happened..why there were a lot of delays..why there were a lot of conflicts..why there were a lot of long breaks..why the lines are always jammed when it should not be..why everything seems to be wrong though we are trying or at least i am trying to see things in a different perspective..

and just this morning..i finally wished not to see you..He granted that wish with just a snap and honestly... I felt HAPPY. no what ifs...no regrets.. everything just seemed to fall in their right places.. it was the feeling that i was searching for a long time...only if i was not that stubborn to open my eyes..i should have everything fine at the earlier part of this crap sem. things should have been better if i just did.

i was not able to greet you a happy birthday personally, but i guess.. it wont matter anyway if ill just give you a text. happy 19th! :)

sometimes, i always choose to learn the hard way but everytime i have to... i make sure that it's something i'll never forget. i guess that's my best way of learning. and sometimes people have to learn in the hard way, but try not to let the people around you slip away from your life in those learning process..

"see you around..if we will"

:)

GE

another GE ended.. masaya xempre kasi bawas sa load ko..

pero mejo sad din..ewan ko ba..i always feel sad everytime na may matatapos akong ge especially if masaya ung class.. i always enjoy my ge classes..kasi minsan un lang ang nagpapaganda ng sem..it's a reason to get out of the walls of econ..and meet more species of people..meet friends..crushes..and have cool professors...:)

kung ung iba..kpag kukuha ng ge..gsto nila may kasama cla..ako hindi..mas gsto ko na wala akong kilala sa class na yun..tpos bahala na if ill make or break with the people there..dmi din kcng nangyayari sa mga class na un na unexpected eh and nagiging diverse ung environment na magagalawan mo..last sem, i met people na sobrang laugh trip at tlgang npalabas nila ung makulit na hazel. last sem din, i didnt expect na makikilala ko si "crush" from a ge class..at mpapasok ako sa isang kakaibang mundo. mas madami pa nga ata akong kilala from other college than sa econ eh..hehe..

my kas1 ended knina..and sobrang drama/touching nung message ni sir jely (guy prof) dun sa last part nung exam..prang nakakainis tuloy na matatapos na ung class..considering it is a kasaysayan class..who would have thought that it would give a big impact..nakakaantok tlga tong class na to..pero it's the people that made the class..a WHAM!

especial mention sa aking mga groupmates: Justine, Koko, Beth and Joyce! (mga kasama ko sa pagiging haggard! and the "paglapit sa apo days" haha..thanx guys!) and xempre sa 11 na taong sumama sa lecture trip sa cavite...hehe.. :)