flight

...fly!

obem <3
(thanks to ate dar for the pic)

i attended the leadership training seminar yesterday that was facilitated by ACT, a group of friends that conduct leadership seminar for free to some schools. i have been very tired and stressed for the past few days but there were no regrets in waking up early on a saturday to attend a whole day seminar. through the seminar and the activities that they prepared for us, i've picked up a lot of things about myself, my friends and my orgmates. one of the activity was named as "the flight" and it was done to point out that in a team, there are times that you have to be the leader but there also times that you have to be a follower. that being in a team, you must work in a give and take relationship for the team to fly. it is always a compromise. we always have our strengths to be used to support other people's weakness and we have our own failures and flaws wherein our teammate must stood up for us. again, everything is a compromise. i teach you, you teach me. it is also an issue of trust. you cant see, im incapacitated. listen to me and you'll be safe. trust. thanks to my partner in that activity. :)

it was also a day where i was exposed to some things that can make or more of break me. it's something that almost stop the momentum i was in. it sucks. it's damn frustrating! i just felt that i'm still not enough. and that questioned the reason why i am doing some things. it also put a period to a long been asked question. the answer: most probably no! not now. and from there, i started questioning myself again, when...? why...? can i do it now? what will i do? how...?i know that my decision will disappoint someone but i have my reasons... and everything will be in His time. maybe there's someone more deserving than i am...that's why.

bakit natatakot lumipad ang sisiw? bakit mahirap para sa kanyang lumipad sa unang pagkakataon kahit na alam niyang may pakpak at makakalipad siya? marahil, ito ay dahil sa oras na lumipad siya maari na siyang mahulog, masaktan at hindi na makabangon pa...

snap

warfreak..

actually, hindi ko talaga alam ang nangyayari. hindi ko nga mainitindihan bakit ganito eh. hindi ko sinasadya. ngayon lang talaga ulit nangyari to... na may kaaway ako. or may taong galit sa akin.

kahapon lang, nagalit ako. hindi. mali. nainis lang ako. at siguro hindi ko nakontrol at lumabas lang siya nang hindi sinasadya. at naging dahilan yun para matakot ang isang tao sa akin at lumayo. hindi ako nagalit sa dahilang wala pa siyang nagagawa, nainis ako dahil sa salitang "ewan" mukhang mababaw pero subukan niyong suotin ang tsinelas ko, magiging malinaw ang punto ko. simpleng bagay. wag mo akong bigyan nang napakapilosopong sagot. lumipas na ang inis kahit hindi mo pa man ako bigyan nang dapat. nakonsensya din ako sa kinilos ko makalipas ang 10 minuto nang pagkainis. tinanong ko ang sarili ko kung may karapatan ba akong mainis at kung may punto ba ako sa ginawa ko.

kanina lang, may nagalit sa akin. may nabitawan akong hindi ko dapat nabitawan. maraming nasaktan. alam ko. hindi ako manhid. at may paki-alam ako. at may mga nakakaalam, hindi ako bulag. alam ko MALI ako. pero hindi ko sinasadya yun. humingi ako ng pasensya. may nakaintindi at nagpatawad. salamat. may hinihingan pa rin ako ng tawad. sana mainitindihan. dahil sa isang pagkakamali, may lamat na. pero susubukan kong ayusin at ibalik. cguro nga nakakagulat din dahil sa akin pa nanggaling yun. hindi magandang biro.

hindi ko alam kung bakit nangyayari eto. baka dala na din ng pagod. pero hindi pa rin yun katanggap-tanggap na dahilan para maging mali. masyado na din cguro akong nagiging prangka at komportable na palagay na ako na matatanggap nila kahit anong sabihin ko or kahit anong ipakita ko na madalas may eksplanasyon ako sa mga bagay na sasabihin ko at gagawin ko. at may mga panahon na walang laman ang bawat salitang sabihin ko. (ang hirap mag pure tagalog) people are used to seeing the good side of me. well, nobody is perfect. i have my flaws. isang reason din siguro kung bakit ginawa akong tahimik ni God para hindi na lang din ako makasakit. i think it's now better for me to get back to my box than lose what i have.

sshhhhhhhh...fix me.

waiting room...

...it's a room where hopes are up.

i'm in the waiting room for a long time but it looks like i'm giving up.


i just what to SHOUT. shout til i drop. shout til everything inside me gets out...

until nothing's left.

"see you around.. if we will"

it was the last week..

and a lot of things happened. aside from the excruciating examinations, i know that it would the last week for us. i thought i would be sad, but in my surprise the last day of that last week was the happiest part of the week.

for that one whole week...i was put into test.

and I've made a realization.. ever since things started..God wanted me to see one thing. i don't deserve you. looking back, I've realize why those things happened..why there were a lot of delays..why there were a lot of conflicts..why there were a lot of long breaks..why the lines are always jammed when it should not be..why everything seems to be wrong though we are trying or at least i am trying to see things in a different perspective..

and just this morning..i finally wished not to see you..He granted that wish with just a snap and honestly... I felt HAPPY. no what ifs...no regrets.. everything just seemed to fall in their right places.. it was the feeling that i was searching for a long time...only if i was not that stubborn to open my eyes..i should have everything fine at the earlier part of this crap sem. things should have been better if i just did.

i was not able to greet you a happy birthday personally, but i guess.. it wont matter anyway if ill just give you a text. happy 19th! :)

sometimes, i always choose to learn the hard way but everytime i have to... i make sure that it's something i'll never forget. i guess that's my best way of learning. and sometimes people have to learn in the hard way, but try not to let the people around you slip away from your life in those learning process..

"see you around..if we will"

:)

ang fire exit, yosi at cotton candy

akala ko kung anong bilog na malaki
at kulay pula itong ipapakain mo
at sa gulat ko nanlibre ka
ng cotton candy ni manong dyan sa may CAL.

pumasok tayo sa FC

at pumunta sa fire exit sa ikalawang palapag

habang pinagsasaluhan ang cotton candy

sa katahimikan ng fire exit na iyon
sabay nating kinain ang cotton candy
habang tanaw ang mga tao sa ibaba

pinagsaluhan din natin

ang usok ng iyong yosi

kasabay ang kung anu-anong

kwento at tawanan

sa sandaling panahong naging

atin ang fire exit na iyon

may ibang kabog sa dibdib ko

na nagsasabing sana ay

hindi na matapos ang oras na iyon

sa paglasap natin ng cotton candy
ang aking mga labi'y
gustong sumigaw na sana ay laging
matamis ang bawat oras na kasama ka.

sa bawat buga mo ng usok ng yosi

kasabay noon ang takot sa akin

na kasing bilis ng paglaho ng usok na iyon

ang pagtakbo ng oras.

sa kahit sandaling panahon, pinaranas mo sa akin

ang fire exit, yosi at cotton candy

ikaw ang fire exit

kung saan ako tumatakas mula sa aking mundo

ikaw ang yosi na nagdadala sa akin

ng magaang pakiramdam

at ikaw ang cotton candy

na nagbibigay tamis sa buhay ko.

lumipas man ang lahat, ako'y babalik sa fire exit dala ang cotton candy at yosi.

at sana ay kasama ka.