29

...just realized...

...six months na din pla..

2.75

"Lord, please.. give me a three here.. please Lord... balato mo na skin toh..please..."
-an hour before the econ 106 exam..

i was dead shaking while waiting for 2 pm..thoughts dont want to stop running on my mind..trying to remember formulas but nothing appears...trying to refresh how to do those silly equations..everything was mixed up..and it seems that the clock was running at a faster rate than usual..and more "dug dug" i feel inside.. and i feel water in my eyes.. and all i did was pray "Lord, please."

and here is susan with her usual porma carrying a buch of papers and orange card pieces.

"Lord, please"

"all those who have taken all the quizzes may have the finals optional!" -susan

"Lord, please"

"Thank You Lord"
(plus tears of joy)

it's more than what i deserve...i asked for a balato...but You gave me a present! and a big one! it may not be that high compared to others but it's more than enough. and i really am grateful and blessed!

there were reasons why things do not happen now...why somethings are gone when you need it... why things break you... God has His own time...we just have to wait for it. He doesnt put you on things that will destroy you. all the time spent studying was not wasted because on the process of studying for that exam, i have realized where i went wrong, what my short comings are and how to deal with the next things to come. for almost two months, i have been struggling with a lot of aspects in my life but little by little there are signs of light for me that get me through the end.

Miracles DO happen! :)

tama ba ang ginawa ko?

i miss ym so i signed in..without even realizing na hindi ako invi..c GOD tlga..playful! haha.

"BUZZ!" "BUZZ!"

oh crap! a big mistake!...though i thought it'll be the usual..but no.

"xa:ei hehe..musta."

sbi na eh..always make sure that you are invisible specially at your state ryt now! so the conversation goes on...lalala..

"xa: haha.. pahinga ka, so wla ka na pasok bukas?"

what? agen? ano daw ggwin ko? wat? i never heard that since last year i guess. and i thought i was fine. so it's not the right time for that..argh..

"zel: pasalamat ka. :P

xa: ang galing! haha tanx.

xa:savior tlga kita kahit saan. :-P

zel: haha..ntawa nmn ako dun!

xa:hehe.. ur my savior...! :))

zel: tgilan mo ko noh!

xa: savior!

zel: hnd k tlga ttgil? ang kulit mo tlga khit anong mngyri noh?!

xa: hehe xempre.. hehe

xa:savior,, papalitan ko na sa phone ko pangalan mo.. nakalagay.."

i never expected that..so that's what he thinks..honestly, i dont know what to feel about this..it seems to me n un na nga tlga ang role ko..nakakalungkot.. pero hnd ko tlga alam..ang gulo.

"zel: pero minsan ba naisip mo na nagalit ako sau?

xa: oo.....

zel: tlga? kelan?

xa: nung sa paper ko sa fil 25..bkit?

zel: wla nmn..

xa: bkit nga?

zel: wla nmn.......tma ka."

this started everything...ewan ko kung anong nakain ko that i had the courage to ask..but i know i got to do this..to clear things and to have a better friendship maybe? or to have a better ending?

this is just the start of that conversation..mahaba pa ito. to sum up every thing... he is sensitive enough to feel, but he's not that brave to face me and say sorry at least. maraming bagay ang nasagot and with those answered questions things may never be the same as before (i just dont know if that would be a good one)...i got my faults din..and im sorry.

realization: we're both afraid.

ryt?

"see you around.. if we will"

it was the last week..

and a lot of things happened. aside from the excruciating examinations, i know that it would the last week for us. i thought i would be sad, but in my surprise the last day of that last week was the happiest part of the week.

for that one whole week...i was put into test.

and I've made a realization.. ever since things started..God wanted me to see one thing. i don't deserve you. looking back, I've realize why those things happened..why there were a lot of delays..why there were a lot of conflicts..why there were a lot of long breaks..why the lines are always jammed when it should not be..why everything seems to be wrong though we are trying or at least i am trying to see things in a different perspective..

and just this morning..i finally wished not to see you..He granted that wish with just a snap and honestly... I felt HAPPY. no what ifs...no regrets.. everything just seemed to fall in their right places.. it was the feeling that i was searching for a long time...only if i was not that stubborn to open my eyes..i should have everything fine at the earlier part of this crap sem. things should have been better if i just did.

i was not able to greet you a happy birthday personally, but i guess.. it wont matter anyway if ill just give you a text. happy 19th! :)

sometimes, i always choose to learn the hard way but everytime i have to... i make sure that it's something i'll never forget. i guess that's my best way of learning. and sometimes people have to learn in the hard way, but try not to let the people around you slip away from your life in those learning process..

"see you around..if we will"

:)

GE

another GE ended.. masaya xempre kasi bawas sa load ko..

pero mejo sad din..ewan ko ba..i always feel sad everytime na may matatapos akong ge especially if masaya ung class.. i always enjoy my ge classes..kasi minsan un lang ang nagpapaganda ng sem..it's a reason to get out of the walls of econ..and meet more species of people..meet friends..crushes..and have cool professors...:)

kung ung iba..kpag kukuha ng ge..gsto nila may kasama cla..ako hindi..mas gsto ko na wala akong kilala sa class na yun..tpos bahala na if ill make or break with the people there..dmi din kcng nangyayari sa mga class na un na unexpected eh and nagiging diverse ung environment na magagalawan mo..last sem, i met people na sobrang laugh trip at tlgang npalabas nila ung makulit na hazel. last sem din, i didnt expect na makikilala ko si "crush" from a ge class..at mpapasok ako sa isang kakaibang mundo. mas madami pa nga ata akong kilala from other college than sa econ eh..hehe..

my kas1 ended knina..and sobrang drama/touching nung message ni sir jely (guy prof) dun sa last part nung exam..prang nakakainis tuloy na matatapos na ung class..considering it is a kasaysayan class..who would have thought that it would give a big impact..nakakaantok tlga tong class na to..pero it's the people that made the class..a WHAM!

especial mention sa aking mga groupmates: Justine, Koko, Beth and Joyce! (mga kasama ko sa pagiging haggard! and the "paglapit sa apo days" haha..thanx guys!) and xempre sa 11 na taong sumama sa lecture trip sa cavite...hehe.. :)

sauteed ampalaya

Ang taong may mababang self esteem

kapag tinapakan mo pa..

eh ano na lang ang matitira?!

you just love to do that to me huh?

is it fun?

is it entertaining?

i believe in karma (read: Karma)

malay natin bka tom..or sa friday.

hope you had fun.

at sa mga taong insensitive.

cge ipagpatuloy mo lang ang pagpapamukha nang kung ano man ang nangyari..

i hope you're aware kung ano ang feeling nang ganon..

but as i've said..

insensitive.

arggh.

He gives time.

i thought time was never enough these days..

but He does make a way..

but there are some things to be given away..

like..

one day from the one week left for me..most specially a tuesday.

well, what's with tuesday anyway?

indifferent but thankful, I aM.

miss the play.

there were really some things that are not meant for you to have. that even if it's already in your hand, you have to let it slip for some reasons...

for some reasons, i chose to let it go. why? because i have weighed things out.

the only reason why i keep on being there is because i am happy doing it. and because i am happy. another thing is that i am happy. well, obviously i only got one reason for it. I AM HAPPY.

but i guess it is not enough for me to be there..

i have other priorities and it would be vey unfair if i'll keep them hanging in there..
it will be very unfair if ill just give them the spare in the very little time that i have..

i maybe happy if i stay.. but this is the reason why we never ran out of choices.


i'll miss the play. :(

see you...

...on summer.

=s

death MARCH.

i was praying that february will never be over...
but that's the reality of life..another page in the calendars have to be ripped off..

MARCH na!

reasons why ayoko mag- march..

• mamamatay ako sa dami ng dapat gawing acad stuff.. exams, requirements, projects and exams exams exams...
• at dahil dyan.. sleep deprived na naman ako.
• hindi rin maganda ang sked ng holy week...pano kasi..after exam ay finals weeek..so how will i be able to go somewhere and enjoy the holy week? how will i be able to have our usual holy week customs if i really badly have to study for two crucial exam??
• kinakabahan din ako sa mgging result ng sem na ito..
• kpag march na, to follow na ang april..ayaw! know why??
• another sem to end..bye bye to the people i met and had fun this sem..
• another school year to end..sh*t! ayoko pang mag 3rd year...
• i'm 99% sure na hindi ko mkikita ang ilang tao..hmmm..
• and i'm 75% sure that this might be the last sem that we'll have lunch together.. and that u'll have a new world after this...there were a lot of things that happened in less than a month so what more in two months?! but i think..it will be for my good na din????

pero xempre...there are more happy things for me to look forward to this march...

:)