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...just realized...

...six months na din pla..

2.75

"Lord, please.. give me a three here.. please Lord... balato mo na skin toh..please..."
-an hour before the econ 106 exam..

i was dead shaking while waiting for 2 pm..thoughts dont want to stop running on my mind..trying to remember formulas but nothing appears...trying to refresh how to do those silly equations..everything was mixed up..and it seems that the clock was running at a faster rate than usual..and more "dug dug" i feel inside.. and i feel water in my eyes.. and all i did was pray "Lord, please."

and here is susan with her usual porma carrying a buch of papers and orange card pieces.

"Lord, please"

"all those who have taken all the quizzes may have the finals optional!" -susan

"Lord, please"

"Thank You Lord"
(plus tears of joy)

it's more than what i deserve...i asked for a balato...but You gave me a present! and a big one! it may not be that high compared to others but it's more than enough. and i really am grateful and blessed!

there were reasons why things do not happen now...why somethings are gone when you need it... why things break you... God has His own time...we just have to wait for it. He doesnt put you on things that will destroy you. all the time spent studying was not wasted because on the process of studying for that exam, i have realized where i went wrong, what my short comings are and how to deal with the next things to come. for almost two months, i have been struggling with a lot of aspects in my life but little by little there are signs of light for me that get me through the end.

Miracles DO happen! :)

tama ba ang ginawa ko?

i miss ym so i signed in..without even realizing na hindi ako invi..c GOD tlga..playful! haha.

"BUZZ!" "BUZZ!"

oh crap! a big mistake!...though i thought it'll be the usual..but no.

"xa:ei hehe..musta."

sbi na eh..always make sure that you are invisible specially at your state ryt now! so the conversation goes on...lalala..

"xa: haha.. pahinga ka, so wla ka na pasok bukas?"

what? agen? ano daw ggwin ko? wat? i never heard that since last year i guess. and i thought i was fine. so it's not the right time for that..argh..

"zel: pasalamat ka. :P

xa: ang galing! haha tanx.

xa:savior tlga kita kahit saan. :-P

zel: haha..ntawa nmn ako dun!

xa:hehe.. ur my savior...! :))

zel: tgilan mo ko noh!

xa: savior!

zel: hnd k tlga ttgil? ang kulit mo tlga khit anong mngyri noh?!

xa: hehe xempre.. hehe

xa:savior,, papalitan ko na sa phone ko pangalan mo.. nakalagay.."

i never expected that..so that's what he thinks..honestly, i dont know what to feel about this..it seems to me n un na nga tlga ang role ko..nakakalungkot.. pero hnd ko tlga alam..ang gulo.

"zel: pero minsan ba naisip mo na nagalit ako sau?

xa: oo.....

zel: tlga? kelan?

xa: nung sa paper ko sa fil 25..bkit?

zel: wla nmn..

xa: bkit nga?

zel: wla nmn.......tma ka."

this started everything...ewan ko kung anong nakain ko that i had the courage to ask..but i know i got to do this..to clear things and to have a better friendship maybe? or to have a better ending?

this is just the start of that conversation..mahaba pa ito. to sum up every thing... he is sensitive enough to feel, but he's not that brave to face me and say sorry at least. maraming bagay ang nasagot and with those answered questions things may never be the same as before (i just dont know if that would be a good one)...i got my faults din..and im sorry.

realization: we're both afraid.

ryt?